While the FURB proved reasonably successful with test subjects, its usefulness to the party was questionable due to the problem of administering it on a mass scale. A computer programmer that worked for the party tried to solve this problem by incorporating these opinion-shaping techniques into a video game. The game failed to live up to the party's expectations; it only provided statistically significant positive results with the youngest players.
This finding resulted in the current "FURBY" project - the "Federal Uniform Retraining Battery for Youth." The result is the behavior-modifying toy that they have succeeded in putting at the top of everyone's Christmas list. While the program that directs the toy seems harmless at first, its manipulations become more insidious as time goes on. Unfortunately, this is designed to happen after the adults have stopped paying attention to the toy.
You might ask, "Why would the 'family values' party want to distribute a toy that belches and farts?" The reason for the inclusion of these "crude" bodily functions is target marketing. But it's not the kids who are targeted. It's the parents.
Let me explain:
The Republicans' "Barney Project" is at least a partial success, and has already sparked a measurable decrease in the percentage of children of Republican homes that grow up and become Democrats. The problem is that its ratings in non-Republican homes is low, as parents in these homes often find the purple dinosaur too saccharine and simplistic, and discourage their children from watching him. Furby is aimed directly at these households. Those parents who wouldn't think of buying their children a toy that belches and farts usually already have the Republican mindset, and their children are likely to be Barney watchers.
I would like it if you could share this with your listeners, but I urge you to be cautious. There are very powerful people who have invested a fortune in this product and are not likely to be forgiving of an attempt to undermine its success. If you wish to reply to this message, please do so quickly, as I will be closing this e-mail account within 24 hours to protect my anonymity.
Sincerely,
John Smith
Savannah and Dirty Jim explain the Furby Project (4:41)
Savannah Saves the World (4:36)
Subj: RE: The Furby Project
Date: 12/3/98 12:47:10 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: Savannah@wtks.com
To: XSMITH0@aol.com
Where can I get more information on this and I hope you are serious, also, complete anonymity, I assure you. What is Furby, the model out now supposed to achieve? Is it just a test model to see how things go with behavior modification or is there an underlined goal. Please write me back ASAP, and please give me some other sources so that I can verify this information.
From: XSMITH0@aol.com
Sent: Thursday, December 03, 1998 1:27 PM
To: Savannah@wtks.com
Subject: RE: FURBY
Dear Savannah,
Verifying this information will be difficult, as there are, of course, no public records of this project. I have tried to obtain a copy of the UCLA transcripts of Dorothy Jenkins, the student I told you about, but they have mysteriously disappeared. You could try to locate a record of the grant application, but it might also be "missing."
The Furby on the market now is the finished product, the result of three years of development and testing. Its objective is still to shape kids' ideas to conform with Republican ideals. Please be careful with this information. That is all I can tell you without putting myself at additional risk.
Smith
Furby Monsters and the Big People (1:20)
Area 54, where are you? (4:43)
Subj: RE: FURBY
Date: 12/3/98 1:33:17 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: Savannah@wtks.com
To: XSMITH0@aol.com
I am not sure why this is so important to me, but it is, I guess because I have a small child, thank you for the information though, please write me and let me know all you know about this project or if there is someone I can talk to about it.
Subj: RE: FURBY
Date: 12/3/98 1:47:22 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: Savannah@wtks.com
To: XSMITH0@aol.com
Obviously I am getting no help with this here, please write me back and give me more information, if it is true, the public will be outraged. There has to be more information, some that I can access. Please help me.
Thank you!
Savannah
(The next day)
From: XSMITH0@aol.com
Sent: Friday, December 04, 1998 2:13 AM
To: Savannah@WTKS.com
Subject: The Furby Project
Dear Savannah,
Don't believe everything the government tells you. By the same token, don't believe every conspiracy theory you read, either.
I was going to let this go on a little longer, but you got so worked up over it that I couldn't let you continue on a wild goose chase.
I am a science fiction writer. I have yet to actually see a Furby, and all I really know about them is what I've learned on your program. There is, to the best of my knowledge, no FURBY project. It made for one hell of a good show, though!
I'm sorry if I made you appear foolish. Remember, however, that I didn't do it alone - you played a part in it yourself. I applaud your enthusiasm for the subject, though, and I want you to know that my intent was not to make you less vigilant. In fact, I think you should be more so. My point is this: Don't just question authority. Question everything.
Sincerely,
John Smith (No, that's not my real name)
P.S. I will abandon this email address (really, this time) in about 24 hours. If you want to write back and cuss me out, well, I guess you deserve that after all that I've put you through. But be watchful. I may strike again some day.
Subj: RE: FURBY
Date: 12/4/98 10:32:12 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: Savannah@wtks.com
To: XSMITH0@aol.com
Smith,
I don't believe everything I read, especially E-mail. However, just because you have confessed to making up this story does not mean that I have changed my mind about anything I've said about the Furby. It may sound silly but how bizarre is it to have a toy that you have to put to sleep according to it's specific instructions or it will continue to babble. Its voice pattern runs a tight second to child like movie villains and monsters. I don't believe that there is a specific purpose other than maybe learning to follow directions for no other reason than to prove that the toy makers can control the desires of not only children but adults as well. They have done that.
This unheard of toy(until about 6 months ago)has been sold out in stores I am certain at first by their own makers in order to create news. It is an advertising scheme used the world over.
I may exaggerate my fear of this toy, but I am firm in the belief that technology beyond this is available and having the mass population dedicated to having it in each home does indeed frighten me. Kudos to you though!
Savannah
"Somebody obviously got to the guy who had e-mailed me." (1:23)
I have no idea who sent Savannah the "secret information" she mentions. This is the last I heard of the Furby conspiracy.